


Don't Look Back

by NAOA



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Closure, Daddy Issues, Dark, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Hyperion (AtS), Lack of Closure, M/M, Magic, Mocking, Non-Consensual Spanking, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Some Plot, Spanking, Started as smut, Team Dynamics, Verbal Humiliation, degrading, i was just trying to wank, it got out of hand, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAOA/pseuds/NAOA
Summary: Wesley screws up one night in the basement and Angelus get's to play some new games. Kinda dark I think.
Relationships: Angelus/Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, I wrote this a while ago and never posted it because it's kind of dark. Maybe someone else won't think so, I don't know but here's a fic. Thanks for reading.

Wes had fucked up. Angelus had him against the bars of the cage and was crushing his wind pipe after one step too close.

"Ack!" He choked as he felt the other man's arm tighten across his throat in a massively painful flex.

His weapon was down. Angelus had sprung on him and he could feel the man's hands reaching around his hips now, fingers surprisingly light and deft over his pants.

"G-get off!" He choked as he felt Angelus slip his fingers into his pockets. It felt invasive and he knew the man was looking for the keys to the cell but he was feeling around too much. He twisted his hips against him and tired to shake his hand away.

He cursed himself for bringing the keys with him but the need for air was making him unable to stop Angelus who's hand had dipped into his back pocket and found the prize.

"Gotcha." Angelus said, pushing the keys aside and giving Wes's ass a queeze, hand still in his pocket. "Not smart Wes." He said. "Shouldn't have brought the keys with you." He lifted his arm slightly and pulled Wesley's feet off of the ground.

Wesley gagged and choked harder. "Gah!" His vision was darkening and he could still feel Angelus's fingers digging into his ass.

And then soon enough he was dropped and Angelus was unlocking the cell door.

Wesley scrambled on the floor, trying desperately to regain vision and composure as he struggled to breath again.

He heard the door swing open and looked wildly up towards the camera but knew that no one would be coming. He was on night watch and he'd stupidly gone back down to the basement to have another go at Angelus.

It had been his own arrogance. . . own stupid need to get the answers himself. . .

Before he'd managed to right himself, Angelus had strode over to him and kicked him hard in the ribs.

He gasped in pain as he rolled backwards, stopping just in time to recieve another blow.

"What did you think you were gonna do, Wes?" Angelus taunted. "Break me all by your lonesome?"

He gagged on the floor as the other man planted a foot heavily on his chest and stood over him, looking down with amusement. "Ah Wes. . ." Angelus groaned, stretching a little. "You just never had the brains you needed."

Wesley lay still, knowing he was in a very bad position. His weapon was nowhere near his reach and Angelus had him on the ground.

"You know, I think I was pretty polite about the chair thing. Sitting on the ground really does hell on the back, you know? How's your's feel? Familiar position?"

Wesley blinked up at him, blue eyes wide. Familiar? His brain worked to decipher what that insult meant and he twitched a little. "Angelus. . ." He started to say.

Angelus cut him off. "You know, we talked a lot about Fred and Cordelia but. . . I feel like something could be said about you as well. You ever had anything said about you Wes? Anybody ever tell you about how they wanna bend you over?"

Wesley went rigid under his heel and felt his chest cave in a little. What the fuck was Angelus saying? He jerked a little and shook his head. "Don't." He whispered, trying to sound dangerous.

Angelus snorted. "I don't know. . . maybe they just wanted to shut you up. . . put something in your mouth to get you to stop talking for once. Any classmates ever slip it to you? Just to shut up that little know it all at the front of the room? I bet a few of them thought about it. . . maybe a few tearchers too."

Wesley drew in on himself then, not liking where this was going and saw no escape route for himself.

Angelus made a little humming noise and dropped then, swiftly and mercilessly so that he was straddeling Wesley's hips.

The weight of the other man setteling onto him made the whole situation that much more real and dangerous to Wesley who lay absolutely still now, watching only.

Angelus smirked. "Not gonna pretend to fight?" He asked. "I bet your daddy wouldn't be too proud of that, then again. . . who knows. . . he have any friends that were teachers at your school? Think he told them that just once or twice would be okay?"

Enraged at the taunting Wesley began to finally fight back, twisting and shoving until Angelus grabbed his wrists and slammed them down on either side of his head.

The vampire looked down at him for a moment, seemingly desciding between irritation and amusement. Wesley didn't know which was worse.

Wesley twisted the rest of his body underneath him, feeling Angelus pressing his whole weight against him.

"Aw gee wes, when you start squirming like that I just get so fucking hard." Angelus breathed against his face. "I bet you like that though. I bet when I pin you down like this you finally feel like that speical little boy you've always wanted to be but just weren't. Do you want to call me daddy? I wouldn't mind."

Wesley paled and stared at him in horror.

"I'll be your daddy Wes. I'll give you all the attention you've always craved. Maybe we'll even catch a game together. You like playing games with people, right Wes? Little games that get me so fucking hard it hurts? Yeah, I know you do." Angelus stradled him and began to undo his pants. "You like the attention. You can't help it. You just go looking for love in all the wrong places."

He tugged off Wesley's belt and set it aside before pulling his pants down further. "I don't mind though. Sometimes boys just need a firm hand. A little reminder and I bet you're just aching for a reminder."

He flipped Wesley over and ran his hands over his bare ass while the man's face was plowed into the floor.

"You aching, Wes?" He grinned.

Wesley moaned into the floor, not wanting this.

"That's right." He gave his ass a little pat and reached for the belt, keeping him pinned to the floor.

"Bad little boys get punished, Wes." He said. "And you havan't exactly been good. I could tell you that this hurts me more than it hurts you but the truth is that it's going to hurt you worse and I'm going to get hard from it."

Wesley moaned into the floor again, eyes squeezed shut and waited for the first blow.

"That's right, Wes. Lie there and take it like a little bitch. You've always been too eager to please. Learn that at school too? You like getting the teacher's attention?"

Wesley groaned again and the first blow was struck, stinging and fast against his ass. He whimpered at the contact of leather on skin.

"Don't enjoy it too much, Wes, this is supposed to be a punishment." Angelus said, striking again and making him whine. The sting was starting to burn and then the blows came raining down and his ass burned along side the humiliation in his chest.

Angelus let up only after he'd begun to shake. "You've got a cherry red ass there, Wes. Cherry red." He set the belt aside and slapped Wesley's ass with his bare hand, making him jump at the dull ache that went through him.

"You took it like a champ. You really did, I mean I gotta say, I am impressed. You'e almost a big boy."

Wesley let out a sob.

"Come on, sit up."

He coaxed Welsey into a sitting position and removed his own cock, toying with the man's face as he played with himself. "Look at me, Wes. Come on. Atta boy. You took the belt like a champ. All grown up but if your'e gonna be all grown up you gotta do something for me."

Welsey shook his head, refusing to open his mouth and Angelus clucked his tongue.

"Come on Wes." He said reprovingly, pulling more tears out of the man. "Grown ups have to do things they don't want to do all of the time."

Wesley looked back at him almost childishly and then looked at his cock.

Angelus was stroking it in front of his face now as he sat on the floor, just a few inches away.

"Open up for me and give my cock a kiss, will ya Wes?" Angelus said. "You've already made me this hard with your cute little ass. All red and marked up. .. are you twitching sitting on it right now? The heat must searing you when you wriggle around like that."

Wesley stoped shifting and blushed making Angelus laugh. "Don't play virgin with me, pretty boy. Open up and show me what you can do. I'm sure you've done this before."

Wesley did as he was told and took Angelus into his mouth. He was big and he choked a little on him, eyes filling with new tears as he tried to do what the other man wanted.

Angelus seemed to like that however and grabbed his hair to guide his head. "Fuck you're a natural." He said. "What do they teach you boys at boarding school these days? Fuck!"

Wesley groaned around his cock and fought to draw breath. He wanted to beg but he knew it wouldn't work. He could only whine shrilly.

"Keep making that noise and I'm going to come down your throat." Angelus groaned. "I bet you want that though. It to all be over like that. . . oh boy. . . Oh fuck. ..You know, they say spitters are quitter but the way you'e slobbering on my dick tells me you're no quitter. Oh fuck. Get off me." He ripped Wesley off by his hair and shoved him, panting for a minute. "You almost had me there," He said. "but I'm not cuming in your mouth and you're not getting off that easy." He smirked a little at his own choice words.

Wesley knelt panting hard, looking up at him. He knew what was coming and it got Angelus even harder.

There was nothing Welsey could do.

"Get on all fours like a good little bitch, Wes. I'm fucking aching for you and I've got a big load saved up. Angel just doesn't get his rocks off enough, you know? Do you think you're a big enough boy to take all of it?"

Wesley winced at the words and closed his eyes. Angelus was going to make this as humiliating as possible and he thought for a split second of running. . . of trying to make it to the stairs.

"I don't know if you can. Why don't you see if you can prove it to me?" Angelus smacked Wesley's already painful ass and made him lurch forward, groaning as it stung almost pleasantly.

There was no way he would make it to the first step. He'd killed all of them tonight.

"I'm gonna put the whole thing in tonight, since you're such a big boy. You ready for daddy?"

Didn't he ever shut up?

Wesley winced and heard a wet, popping noise behind him as Angelus slobbered on his own fingers. He felt shame course through his body and shook a little as he felt something press against him. "You're being so good for me, Wes. Anything you wanna share with the class? Any secret fantasies you've been repressing?"

He braced himself and felt a finger work it's way into him. It took less resistance than he would have thought and he felt himself twitch. Angelus's fingers were enough to make him dread the idea of his cock.

"Aw you like the teasing." Agelus said. "Your'e getting hard for me, Wes. How sweet. You like it when guys stick their fingers up your ass hole?"

He could feel Angelus's finger sliding in and out of him with far more ease than he'd ever imagined.

Wesley sobbed a little and shook.

"I mean holy shit. Fuck yourself here. Just do it." Angelus sounded gleeful and he choked a little.

He didn't move.

"Do it Wes or I'm gonna hurt you."

He felt Angelus's other hand drift to his balls and squeeze lightly but before it could go any further he leaped into action, yelping softly.

Welsey fucked himself on the Angelus's finger and made him laugh until the man instered a second finger and held him still to work on stretching him.

"Shh," Angelus teased. "You don't want the others to walk in on this, do you? Imagine sweet Fred's face. . ."

He hung his head and just let the man do what he wanted.

"I'm gonna fill up your tight little ass hole, Wes. Fill you all the way up. Like you've always dreamed off. Laying in bed, touching your cock and thinking about fingering yourself. Were you ever brave enough to try?" Wesley whimpered and Angelus removed his fingers, wiping them on his thigh. "I bet you were but I'm gonna give you the real thing." His breath was hot against him and he squirmed uncomfortably, wanting it to be over.

Angelus shifted him then and he felt something else being pressed against his ass hole. He hand't been prepared enough for comfort and he kenw Angelus had done it on prupose. He whimpered despite himself.

"Ah fuck you're a tight little hole." Angelus breathed, hand resting on is shoulders.

It took a few thrusts but Angelus got hismelf inside and began to slowly fuck him, first shallowly and then working deeper. He smacked his ass every now and then and Wes just took it, unable to do anything else.

When the man grabbed his hair he took that too, letting him drive into him, deep and hard, splitting him open like a fucking toy.

He grabbed Wesley's hair and jerked his head back, bending his spine in the process as they fucked on the floor. He was taking the man's cock harder and his body was jerking with each thrust. Wesley couldn't keep up now and Angelus was just jerking him around.

He moaned and gasped and cried out at random now, unable to control it and desperate just to hold himself upright.

He took Angelus's cock deeper and deeper as the man railed into him, filling him up and almost hurting him too much.

Angelus didn't care for his pleasure now and just fucked him hard, eventually cumming deep inside of him with three deep thrusts. "You realy did a good job there." He said, letting his prick soften inside of Wesley and keeping him pinned beneath him.

Wesley whimpered but remained in his embrace. He didn't know what would happen now.

"Roll over." Angelus said, turning him before he could move himself and laying him on his back.

Somehow Welsey felt even more vulnerable like this and he looked at Angelus in naked fear, waiting for the moment the vampire killed him.

Angelus however took Wesley's cock in his hand and began to stroke it. "You're gonna feel good too, Wesley. I want you to remember what a whore you are. A horney little boy just begging for cock. . ."

He bent and took Wesley's cock into his mouth, swallowing him down as the other man lay in shock, cum sticking in his ass hole.

He came eventually, Angelus's mouth skillful enough to get him to and then suddenly Angelus was crawling up him again and kissing him.

He didn't protest when he felt the man's tongue press into his mouth and his own spunk being forced into him.

Angelus kissed him until he was certain Wesley had swallowed every last drop of his own cum.

He put a hand on the man's belly and gave it a little pat. "Two loads of cum in you." He said. "You must feel all gown up now."

Wesley sobbed then and felt Angelus give his cock a few last tugs before pinching his nipple. "But I don't want you to get in trouble with the others Wes. I'll be good since you were such a good boy for me."

Wesley opened his eyes and to his horror saw Angelus returning to the cell. He didn't understand and he lay with his clothes pulled open body aching. He felt filthy.

"Gonna keep giving me a show, Wes?" Angelus asked, voice ringing. "Cause if you're gonna keep laying there like a little cock tease I'm going to have to get back out of this cell. You already clenching for round two?"

Wesley whimpered, eyes going to the stairs and the camera. He had to destroy the tapes. The others couldn't know and he sat up, feeling childish and sloppy as he rushed to fix his clothes.

Angelus was watching, eyes menacing and filled with dark humor. "Such a fucking little prick tease." He said, shaking his head. "I wonder what the others will think." A cruel smile played Angelus's lips. "Maybe that's how you and Gunn can patch things up, think I should suggest it to him? After all, he's gotta be a better fuck than you for Fred to be all over him the way she is. You want a piece of that? It's the closest you'll get to her cunt after all. . ."

Wesley put his hands over his ears and sat shaking. He needed out but he couldn't go upstairs yet. Christ he couldn't!

"W-why are you staying here?" He asked.

Agnelus snorted. "Why not? I wanna see how you're gonna tell the others that you fucked up again. Got too close. . . let me get the keys. . . sucked my cock. . ." Angelus bit his bottom lip teasingly. "Getting hard again, just thinking about it, Wes." He shifted from foot to foot.

Welsey looked at him with raw eyes and tore for the stairs, hearing Angelus laughing in the gloom behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

This hadn't happened. . . He'd fucked up so badly. . .

He coudln't stop shaking and he whimpered as he hurried up the stairs, back and legs aching. He. . . he wanted to scream. . . he wanted to tear himself apart. Oh God what had he done?

He went for the CCTV footage first, destroying that immidiately and shaking some mroe at the front desk.

Angelus. . . he kept thinking of Angel and realized that he had been the entier time the man had been fucking him. It still felt like being fucked by his friend. Like Angel had actually been the one to do it!

He looked round the dark lobby and choked. He could still taste cum in his mouth and felt filthy from it.

He licked his lips and thought he'd throw up.

On the monitor, Angelus was watching the camera, looking right at him.

He couldn't take it and he tore up to one of the renovated rooms to shower and change.

In the room and with a door between himself and the rest of the hotel he fell back against the wall, trying to get control of himself before his knees gave out.

Angel. . . Angelus. . . it didn't matter. . . he hadn't even put up a fight!

He warred with himself. How could he have fucked up like that?

And Angel hadn't even really hurt him. . . He put a hand against his ribs and winced but it wasn't bad.

He didn't understand and his head swam with confusion as he forced himself towards the bathroom.

He looked fine in the mirror and somehow that was worse.

He didn't know what to do and turned on the sink, splashing water on his face.

Oh God. . . he'd fucked Angel. . . not Angel. . . Angelus and he. . .he gripped the sink and tried to wrap his brain around everything that had happened. What even was that?

The words Angelus had whispered echoed in his ears, each insult and jab.

He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to fight the tremors. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to cry some more.

He turned the shower on with shaking hands and then stopped, not wanting to strip and yet needing to very much.

He shook his head. It was his fault. He was cocky, he got too close, he fucked up. He forced himself to get naked and hurried into the shower, eager to erase as much of his mistake as he could.

His ass was raw and marked up from the whipping. Jesus it hurt and he felt down his legs were Angelus had lashed him pretty good there too but there was nothing any of the others could see.

He didn't understand and his mind drifted down to where Angelus sat in his cage, waiting.

Welsey wrapped his arms around hismelf and whimpered. He needed something but he couldn't name it. Someone? Help?

He whimpered again.

It was his fault. He didn't get help because it was his fault and. . . no one would care. . . not after the mistakes he had made. They shouldn't care.

He felt water run into his eyes and wanted to bang his head into the tile wall.

He didn't and finally shut off the water, moving gingerly and hoping he didn't hurt himself too much in the process.

He dressed then, all new clothes and sat on the bed for a moment, unsure of what to do with himself.

He felt strange and disconnected from his body. Out of himself somehow and all he knew was that he really didn't want to go down to the lobby again.

He felt like a stupid child, afraid to go down there but he knew he wouldn't sleep if he stayed in the bedroom and he couldn't abandon his post.

He finally put aside what he wanted and went back down to the lobby. He'd wanted to run out the door and hide away somewhere.

In the lobby he felt cold and small. Angelus was on the screen, just sitting quietly and tapping his foot in time to whatever he was humming.

Welsey watched him with a kind of enrapt fascination. Angelus looked so calm and cool on the little CCTV screen.

It made him feel like a freak out of control of himself. He was still so shaken and Angelus. . . he didn't even look like anything had happened.

He sat in the office chair and put his head in his hands. Angel was going to tell someone. . .

He realized then that he'd left his crossbow in the basement. . . that and the keys. Angelus still had the keys and his mind reeled. He had to get them back. . . had to. . . had to. . . had to go back down there. . . where Angelus could make good on round two.

He couldn't breath as the thought hit him. God he couldn't breath!

He shook violently and tried to think of what to do.

He had to go back down there!

He couldn't.

He just couldn't.

The others would find out anyway. . . there was nothing he could do about that. . . Angelus couldn't sit on something like this for too long, not when he knew how much pain he could cause.

Wesley tried to breath normally but couldn't and in the end went and lay on the couch, curling in on himself and staring at the wall.

He was such a fuck up.


	3. Chapter 3

The next 'day' Wesley found himself, still staring at the wall when the others got up. He'd been there all night and hand't gone down to get the crossbow or the keys.

Angelus hadn't come up either.

He supposed he was lucky but he was putting everyone in danger as long as Angelus had the keys.

He went and looked at the CCTV footage and swallowed hard, Angelus was still sitting, tapping his foot. He wasn't looking at the camera.

"He been like that all night?"

Wesley jumped and saw Gunn coming up with a mug of coffee. He stared at him, body rigid and voice caught in his throat.

"Wesley?"

Wesley glanced towards the monitor and then swallowed, nodding quickly. He couldn't meet Gunn's eyes.

Gunn shook his head. "Go get some sleep man." He said. "You look rough."

Wesley had thought he could face the rest of the team but couldn't. He only nodded and skidded away towards the room he'd been using.

He went and splashed some water on his face and listened for the sounds of the others moving around. His heart was hammering in his chest and he didn't know how to calm down or why he was freaking out.

Back in the lobby Gunn was watching the CCTV footage and frowning. Wesley was acting weird but they were all on edge and it wasn't really his problem. He wasn't going to pretend that they were friends any more.

He ran the monitor backwards and watched the night in reverse. Nothing interesting until. . . the camera cut out for about forty minutes near midnight before resuming.

He tried playing it several times. That was weird and he glanced back towards the stairs where Wesley had disappeared.

He glowered at the monitor. What the hell was going on?

"What's wrong?" He heard Fred's voice behind him and turned.

"I don't know. . ." He said. "There's over forty minutes missing from the camera and Wes is acting off."

She glanced at the screen. "Do you think he went down to talk to him?" She asked. "You know, by himself?"

Gunn shrugged. "I don't know and even if he did. . . why get rid of the camera footage?" He stared at the monitor for a moment and heard Fred puzzle.

"Where did he go?" SHe asked.

"Back upstairs. I told him to get some sleep." Gunn said. "Thought he was loosing it a bit from staying up all night."

"You think maybe Angelus said something to him?" She asked.

"He knows better than to go down there on his own, especially with none of us awake to help."

She nodded and sighed. "Yeah. . ."

They watched the monitor for a moment before being joined by Cordelia, Conor and Lorne.

"Anything happen last night?" Lrone asked, looking around for Wesley.

"Dunno," Gunn said. "Some of the security footage is missing."

"Missing?" Lorne asked.

"I think Wesley must have deleted it. He was acting strange when I got up." Gunn said, glancing out the windows at the perpetual night they were trapped in.

"Oh boy, maybe I should get a reading on him." Lorne said. "Just to check things over."

"Might have to." Gunn said. "I mean. . . if he doesn't tell us what he did with the footage."

Fred just looked worried and Cordelia glanced at the monitor. "He better not have tried to confront Angelus without any back up." She said. "That'd be really stupid."

"I'll go get him." Fred said, too worried now to sit tight.

She danced up the stairs to Wesley's room, knocking quietly. "Wesley?" She called. "Wesley something's wrong with the camera footage."

The door opened immidiately and she saw Wesley looking strained and white. "I accidentally deleted part of it last night." He said. "I didn't mean to."

She blinked. It didn't sound convincing and she worried more. "Wesley. . . you didn't try to talk to him last night did you? On your own?"

He didn't respond, eyes on the floor. "No." He said finally, voice barely above a whisper.

She didn't know what to think but found his whole demeanor frightening. "Wesley. . . are you okay?" She asked. "Y-you sound. . . you don't look okay."

He blinked hard. "I'm alright, just tired." He said.

She nodded and sighed. "Okay, I think we're gonna try to talk to him again later. Do you want to come down for it?" She asked.

He made and odd face and then nodded. "I'm too tired to sleep anyway." He said.

She looked at him strangely too and tried to smile. "Okay." She said.

Wesley's heart was hammering. He didn't want to go back down. . . he didn't want. . . he felt his breathing hitch and worked to hide it. He did't want any of this. God he wanted everything to be normal.

Angelus was going to tell them everything. . . oh God he could imagine them all disgusted. It was his fault after all. . . he shouldn't have messed up. . .

He followed her down again and met the others, unable to meet their gazes for very long.

"What happened to the CCTV footage?" Gunn asked.

Wesley shurgged. "It was an accident." He said. "I. . . I screwed up." He said.

Gunn made a little noise or irritation and looked back at the monitor. "Guess I'll go take another crack at him then." He said.

Wesley looked up, shocked. So soon? He opened his mouth and then closed it.

"What's wrong?" Gunn asked. "You coming with?"

And how could he not? At least then he could be there to argue his case when Angelus told them everything.

They grabbed crossbows and the tranquilizer gun he and forced his feet to work. Forced himself into gear and followed Gunn down the basement steps.

"Well, well, well," They heard Angelus drawl, even before they'd reached the landing. "Two visitors on this lovely morning. Makes a guy feel specal." His eyes went to Wesley who remembered half of the things Angelus had said to him that night and and turned away, shame blossoming in him.

Gunn looked at the cross bow laying on the basement floor and then at Wesley. "Thought you said you didn't come down here, Wes." He said.

Wesley jerked and shrugged and looked up to see Angelus looking between them. He was enjoying this.

"You two been talking?" Gunn asked Angelus.

seemingly delighted, Angelus smirked at Welsey. "I don't kiss and tell." He said.

Gunn rolled his eyes. "You gonna talk today?" He asked.

Angelus approached the bars. "Why not?" He asked. "So many things to talk about." HIs eyes drifted to Wesley again who was hanging back and trying very hard not to give anything away.

"How's the girls? They haven't been down here for a while, I'm stuck making my own fun." Angelus said, taking the lead.

"That's not what we're here to talk about." Gunn said.

"Ooh, not friendly." Angelus teased. "I can understand Fred though, especially with Wes here trying to spin her away from you but. . . Cordelia. . ."

"Aw man, stop talking." Gunn said.

"Cordelia is a hell of a woman woman. . . Too bad she's been passed around all over Sunny Dale, although I hear not so much in LA. Guess LA guys have a few more standards. Who'd have thought? And Fred? Too boney. No meat on that bird. Now Wes? I could get behind that." He smield cruelly. "You know what I mean? Bend him over and really get behind him." He made a crude motion and grinned. "I'd turn him out but I bet he could take it."

Wesley was shaking now and angry. So Angelus wasn't going to just tell them. . . he was going to make it as painful as he possibly could.

Gunn glanced at him and he thought he actaully saw sympathy from the other man. That or he was just grossed out.

Wesley was pretty grossed out.

"I bet you can take it pretty rough, Wes." Angelus said, voice lilting and taunting. "You look all proper and upright but. . . I know your type. . . I bet the harder it is, the more you get off. I bet you kind of like being hurt."

Wesley was shaking even more badly now and looked at him in resignation.

"That's enough." Gunn said, making Wesley jump.

Angelus clucked his tongue and turned his attention to Gunn. "Oh yeah?" He asked. "You telling me you wouldn't like to see someone put English here in his place? You telling me you wouldn't get just a little hard watching him take it up the ass?"

Gunn looked almost sick and looked at Wesley who was pail and silent.

"Or maybe you'd rather be the one putting him in his place. . . you wanna be the one holding him down. . . sliding into him. . . hurting him just enough that it still feels good for both of you. . ." Angelus had his hands wrapped around the bars and his eyes fixed on Gunn. "Show him what you give Fred. . ." He said, voice low and sly. "Show him how you make her scream in your room at night. . ."

Wesley actually whimpered and Gunn looked between them.

"Shut up." He said.

Wesley flinched again and Angelus snorted. "I knew it." He said. "You better watch you ass, Wes. Looks like everyone's coming for it."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Gunn asked, turning to Wesley in anger but his voice lacked an edge. He mostly sounded put off by the remarks Angelus was making and he couldn't figure out why his old boss was so fixated on Wesley like this. It was a new level of awful.

Wesley wouldn't look at him and only shook his head.

"Oh come on Wes, you were such a good boy. . . other than that part about leaving the key with me."

Gunn looked at Angelus sharply, just in time to see him wave the key to the cell door at them.

Eyes wide, Gunn fired the tranquilizer gun at him and took Angelus out, failing to damage his nasty smirk.

He took the key and looked at Wesley who was standing stalk still with his head down. "You wanna tell me how he had that?" He asked.

Wesley shrugged and Gunn grit his teeth. "Come one Wes, what happened last night?" He asked.

Wesley jerked. "N-nothing happened last night." He said, soudning robotic.

Gunn didn't believe it. "No, you had better tell me how he got that key. He could have killed us all in our sleep last night!"

Wesley flinched. "But he didn't!" He shouted back.

Gunn didn't get it. Wesley was acting like a freak and Angelus had the key. "This is serious!" he said, taking a step towards Wesley. "What happened last night, Wes? Why was the camera footage missing?"

Wesley whimpered again. "Nothing happened." He whispered.

And He knew that wasn't true. Gunn knew that wasn't true and he reached for Wesley, not trying to hit, him, just trying to get the turth.

Wesley smacked at him immidiately. "Don't!" He shouted, stepping back and looking at Gunn furiously. Jesus he couldn't take this!

Gunn was staring at him. "Wes. . . how did he get the key last night?" He asked again, not moving this time. "Whatever happened. . ."

But Wesley was looking at Angel in the cell and shaking. "I didn't. . . I didn't mean for him. . ." He said. "I don't know how he. . . I. . . I didn't mean for him to get the key!" He was almost shouting.

Gunn looked at the cross bow on the ground and then at Wesley and then at Angelus. "He didn't. . . Wes, why'd he stay in the cage if he had the key?"

Welsey shook his head. "I don't know." He said quietly. "I don't know why he stayed. . ."

But Gunn's mind was working fast. It had a conclusion already. . . he just couldn't make his brain accept it. "Jesus Wes. . . he didn't. . ."

But Wesley was stepping back towards the stairs. "Think what you want." He said.

"Wait-" Gunn started but Wesley was heading up the stairs and he couldn't bring himself to ask the question. He looked back at Angelus and shook his head. Christ this was bad.

He pocketted the key and hurried up to the rest of the team who were standing awkwardly around the monitor.

"What just happened?" Fred asked, going to him as soon as he'd shut the basement door.

Gunn shook his head. "I don't know." He said. "Wesley. . . Angelus had the key all night."

She gasped. "How did he get it?"

But Gunn didn't know and part of him maybe didn't want to know. "I think Wesley screwed up." He said quietly.

"Angelus was saying awful stuff about him. . ." She whispered.

"It's nothing he hasn't said about you and Cordelia." Conor muttered, arms crossed.

She didn't look convinced. "He's been acting weird all morning though." She whispered. "I'm worried about him."

Gunn was too, even if he didn't want to be but pushed it aside. "We'll get the truth eventually. He hasn't left the building."

"He went upstairs as soon as he came out of the basement." Lorne said, looking up the staircase and towards the hall. "All frowns and white."

Gunn let his eyes hit the floor as he remembered how strange Wesley had been acting in the basement. "I don't. . . I've got the key now. We'll deal with the rest later." He looked up at the ceiling, knowing he didn't have a damn choice about taking the high road.

Lorne gave him a sympathetic look and he felt Fred touch his arm supportively. God he needed them.

They looked back at the monitor and sighed. This was getting worse by the minute.

CHAPTER 3

Upstairs Wesley was sitting on his bed with his hands and head between his knees. He had to tell them. He had to or else Angelus would and. . . he couldn't take that. He just couldn't and he couldn't let the games go on.

He fidgitted with his watch strap and sat feeling numb.

How did you tell people who already didn't like you that you'd fucked up this bad? How did you explain any of it?

He steeled his heart then, pushing his feelings aside and fighting the renewed tremors that came from doing so. He could do this. He would get through it, there wasn't anything else to do.

He went to the bathroom and splashed water on his face before drying off and looking at himself in the mirror.

He'd come a long way since his first Watchers' assignment. He didn't know if he could have handled Angelus back then. One year earlier and he'd have found out. He gripped the sink and focussed on the thought that he could do so now. He was doing so.

Guilt formed then because he didn't want to hate Angel for this. He thought maybe he'd take a vacation after it was all over. Get his head sorted out and come back. Provided they stopped the current apolcoypse, of course.

He striaghtened the buttons on his shirt and steeled himself yet again for the others. It would be his version first. Not Angelus's.

The others were seated around the lobby doing research when he returned but their heads shot up before he'd even got to the top of the stairs. He met their eyes rather dully.

"Wesley?" Fred asked, standing up.

He put a hand up and sighed. "I've come to tell you what happened downstairs." He said. "Last night."

They looked up at him and then at each other.

Fred sat back down.

"I was arrogant. . . I was cocky." Wesley said. "I went downstairs to talk to him and misstepped. I suppose I was tired, I don't know." He really didn't. "Angel. . . Angelus grabbed ahold of me and got the key out of my pocket. I couldn't do anything because he'd choked me out." It sounded bad just to hear himself say it out loud.

Fred made a little noise and he tried not to look at her. He didn't really want to look at any of them in particular. That would make it harder.

He sighed again and came to the foot of the stairs. "He kicked me a few times before I could get up and then. . . Angelus forced himself on me and then for some reason went back into the cell. I. . .whatever he says about me next. . ." He was running out of words and half of what he'd said hadn't sounded competant.

"He forc-" Conor was looking around in confusion and he thought maybe disgust. He wasn't exactly sure how much the kid understood but he seemed to be getting the gist.

"Oh Pumpkin!" Lorne said.

Wesley twitched. He didn't need this. "I'm alright." He said. "Really."

"Wesley. . ." It was Cordelia this time and her eyes were wide.

He gave an apologetic smile. "Whatever he say's about me next, he will try to use it to hurt you."

"Wesley you need a doctor!" Fred said, sounding panicked.

He shook his head. "He didn't hurt me." He muttered. "Not bad enough for that. I. . . I'm fine."

She looked doubtful and he sighed.

"I wouldn't mind a second opinion on my ribs. I don't think they're broken but I. . ." He shrugged. He hadn't really even looked. Hadn't wanted to.

Fred came closer and guided him to a chair and for some reason he let her. "I don't mean right now." He said.

She hovered for a moment. "Are you in pain?" She asked.

He shurgged. "A little. . . I'll be okay. I just want to warn you that he's going to use this."

"Angel will kill himself for this." Cordelia whispered.

Wesley looked at her seriously. "We'll prevent that when the time comes." He said. She had a point but they didn't have Angel back yet and that was a worry for the future because he didn't want Angel dead. . . just back.

She nodded and he looked at Gunn who was was staring at him, pale and seemingly sick.

"It was my own arrogance." Wesley said. "It was my fault." Fred made a little noise and he looked at her. "I'm sorry Fred." He said.

"It's not your fault, Wesley." She said. "Don't look at it like that. Please. . . ?"

He shrugged it off. He didn't have time to feel bad for himself. "We need to focus on stopping the Beast. I only wanted to explain and warn you."

Everyone was half out of thier seats now and he didn't understand what they weren't getting. "I"m fine." He said.

But Gunn was reeling. It made sense now. . . why Wesley had bee so jumpy that morning, why he had been so quiet when they'd gone done to the basement. . . why he'd tried to smack him when he'd come too close. . .

He looked at Wesley and then at the basement and felt utterly without any control in the world. That wasn't Angel. . . he couldn't kill him and it wasn't Angel and Wesley was standing there saying he was fine with a face as white as paper. This wasn't something he had any power in.

"Wesley. . . if you want out. . ." Hes tarted to say.

"We can't afford that." Wesley said. "We can't afford to be down a man."

No one seemed happy and he didn't know what to do.

"Pumpkin, you can rest though." Lorne said sadly. "You've been working so hard lately. Why don't you take the day off?"

Wesley tiwtched. He couldn't do that. They had to stop the Beast. "There's more important things as stake." He said.

Lorn just looked sad. "I'm worried about you, Schatzie." He said. "You don't look good."

Wesley only shurgged. "I'll be fine." He said.

"I'm done withthis." Gunn said, speaking from almost outsdie himself. "I vote for putting his soul back in. He's not gonna tell us anything and it's. . ." He glanced at Wesley. "He's not gonna talk."

Wesley gave him a weathered look, uncertain if he should be offended or just deminished.

"We put his soul back." Gunn said firmly.

Wesley deflated slightly. "I suppose. . ." He said. He didn't want to agree and for them to just think he was scared. He could take it. He was taking it. "I suppose he probably won't." He said.

Cordelia looked between them. "Then let's get his soul." She said, sounding matter of fact which put Wesley at ease.

Lorne still looked worried and Conor looked a little uncomfortable but no one was saying what he was thinking. That he was a coward.

Wesley followed them back up the stiars and to the safe but when they opened it, it was empty.

That was a major problem.


	4. Chapter 4

The resulting days that followed involved Angelus's escape from the hotel and Faith's escape from prison. They involved the Beast and the return of day and attacks from Angelus and the final show down.

Wesley had been steeled a little by almost being Faith's Watcher again. It had given him purpose and something to focus on but Angelus was always there, mocking him and making snide comments.

Faith never asked but he thought she knew and then they had Willow and were trying to restore Angel's soul.

Faith lay upstairs in a coma, drugged out of her mind and lost to them.

Wesley was hurt but he powered through it. There was something self righteous about tramping through his pain. Something that made him feel good about himself and if things succeeded, it would all be back to normal soon.

It did and Angel was back and he relaxed finally, the last tension in his shoulders leaving. Angel was back and his whole demeanor was different. He was Angel again and Wesley was dying for normallcy.

It was not to come.

Soon after was Cordelia's pregnancy and Angel said he took no responsibility.

Wesley agreed. He was practical and knew it hadn't been him but still. . . he didn't know how to feel. Mostly he still felt guilty.

He didn't want to talk about it. God, he didn't want to talk about it but he wanted something. Some kind of closure or something. . . he wanted normal but he needed something too. . .

Memories of Lilah and the night in the cell haunted him but he bore it. He could and sometimes Angel looked at him with concern.

Finally however Angel pulled him aside, catching him in his books and sitting down far too heavily to imply light conversation.

Welsey looked up warily. "Angel." He said.

Angel sighed and looked away. "I. . . I'm sorry it happened." He said, speaking abruptly and ovbiously from a place of great difficulty.

Wesley stopped pretending to be absorbed by his research into demonic pregnancies. "You didn't do it." He whispered, feeling freer somehow by saying it. "You don't need to do this."

Angel gave him a seriousl look. "What I did. . . what Angelus did. I'm sorry it happened. I would nev-"

"You don't have to tell me." Wesley said softly. "I know that's not something you would do to me." He might try to kill him but Wesley wasn't stupid enough to think Angel would ever do something like that to him.

Angel looked down, brooding still. So he did feel guilty. "The others are worried." He said. "You told them?"

He nodded. "So Angelus couldn't." His voice sounded dry to his own ears.

Angel swallowed and nodded. "Smart." He said softly.

"The others will see I'm alright after a while." Wesley said. He'd had nightmares for years, new one's just added variety.

Angel looked at him seriously. "Are you sure you're alright?" He asked. He didn't sound convinced and the soft way in which he spoke made Wesley wrinkel his nose. He didn't know how to take that. It would have been easier if everyone had blamed him. It would have been easier for him to blame himself too. "Wes?" Angel sounded concerned and when he looked up the other man wore a naked expression of self hatred.

"I'm fine." Wesley said. "Lilah. . . the night in the cell. . . they're just things that have happened."

"Sometimes you still need to process things once in a while." Angel said.

He shrugged and looked down at the book that wasn't wasn't helping him with anything. "True but we seldom are afforded the time to. I'll be alright." He said.

Angel didn't look convinced and he wondered what the man was imagining he could do to make the situation right. There was nothing anyone could do except move on. Angel hadn't done it and Wesley couldn't ask for remuneration. There was just a gaping chasme of emotion left. Directionless anger and self hatred.

"He. . . he just wanted to hurt you. . ." Angelus said. "The things he said. . ."

Wesley blinked, finding himself almost irritated. "Really Angel," He said. "I know how he works." He wondered how clear Angel's memory was, if he remembered how much he had cried or just how submissive he'd been. He thought he probably did and suddenly he wondered if maybe Angel needed this somehow.

Angel was staring at him with an almost puppy dog look and he suddenly felt as if he had all of the power. He didn't want it.

"But whatever. . ."

"I don't blame you." Wesley said, voice shaking only a little. "Don't do this."

And Angel looked unhappy with just the idea of stopping.

"I've been through worse." He whispered. "I'll be fine."

"But you're not fine." Angel said.

He was silent for a moment. "No. I'm not, I lied but I will be. I will be. Just give me some time." It wasn't like things could ever go back to normal. Not since he'd fucked up with the prophecy and Conor. This was just one more thing.

Angel was looking at him and he didn't want the sympathy or whatever guilt the man was trying to fight.

"I care." Angel said and after everything he knew he did. He still cared and things wouldn't go back to normal but it was said.

"And I don't want you to put this on yourself." It was his way of saying the same thing. "I'll be fine."

Angel swallowed and nodded. "Okay Wes." He said. "I just. . ." He licked his lips. "I care and I'm sorry it happened."

Wesley nodded, unable to find words and watched him get to his feet. Anything that came to mind was cruel and he didn't want to be cruel. Not now. It wasn't worth it.

Angel gave him another sad look and departed and he looked down at the book in front of him. He would be okay. It was over now and he was going to be fine.

He turned a page and scanned the next one. He had something he had to do and there was no time to be worrying about the past.

The present kept him grounded, the ever constant need to save the world and he could keep going.


End file.
